‘Your own little slice of hell’ home lists for $590K cash

Rancid meat left in a broken refrigerator for more than a year? Check. A back porch that’s falling off the side of the house? Check. A master bathroom covered in vulgar graffiti “and other substances which are no longer identifiable”? Check.

If all these charming characteristics tick off your most important must-haves in a home, boy are you in luck.

A down-on-its-luck home in Colorado Springs, Colorado, which asks $590,000 cash, has lured in more than a dozen offers in its first 24 hours on the market — not to mention plenty more prospective owners voicing interest in owning this “formerly majestic” dwelling, as the listing describes it.

“I list vacant houses all the time. I have not seen this kind of hysteria, even in this market,” Mimi Foster, the Falcon Property Company listing agent, told Denver news channel KMGH. “I’ve gotten about 89 text messages since we’ve gotten to the house this afternoon.”

Foster’s listing description for the five-bedroom, 3,598-square-foot residence held nothing back. Located at 4525 Churchill Court, and “once the seller’s pride and joy,” is “every landlord’s nightmare and needs someone with firm resolve to appreciate its potential.”

“If you dream of owning your own little slice of hell and turning it into a piece of heaven, then look no further!” she wrote.

The graffiti, which the listing says was left by a departing tenant who allegedly refused to pay rent, extends to many corners of the home — across walls, carpets and kitchen cabinets — with one tag saying “FU.” The tenant also allegedly swung a hammer inside the property, causing damage. And beyond the rotting meat in the basement, for which Foster recommends wearing a mask, an illegal pet rescue operated from this home left the carpets totally soiled.

“We have an expression ‘if it smells it won’t sell,’” Foster told the news channel. “I am putting that to the test.”

Foster added that, when it came to the listing description, honestly is the best policy.

“I wanted them to know that they were getting a damaged house with a lot of potential,” Foster said. “I didn’t want anybody to walk in here and be surprised with what they found.”

It speaks to the red-hot local real estate market, where on average there tend to be some 2,500 homes in the area listed. Right now, she said, it’s fewer than 400.

Beyond the profanities and filth, the property has good bones. Also in the listing description, details of soaring ceilings, an open floor plan with a second-floor catwalk overlooking the family room, air conditioning and a three-car garage.

“It was a happy place for decades,” she told the channel of the house. “And somebody will come in and they will get rid of the anger and anguish that went on here. And it will be a cherished place to live once again.”

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