ACCORDING to BMW, this car is not for me. I’m too old and I’ve got too much baggage.
The target customer, they say, is a tech-loving trendy urban person, aged 30 to 40, with one or no kids. So as a 46-year-old with four kids, I’m well out of it.
But here’s the thing. For the first time in a long time, this is one BMW I don’t really want anyway.
It probably says more about me than the 2 Series Gran Coupe because much of it is brilliant. It’s just overkill.
In the same way that Netflix suggests what to watch next, this wants to do everything for you except steer. Actually, it does a bit of that too.
I am really not fussed about a Siri-like personal assistant that may or may not understand you. Or hand gesture controls. Or park assist that does a 36-point turn like Austin Powers.
I just want a BMW. I have always admired BMW because, like Porsche, it is run by proper motor engineers who build cars for driving enthusiasts.
But where the 2GC sits I’m not so sure. Yes, it is nice and composed and refined and classy and will eat up the miles in supreme comfort.
But it lacks character. I want something a bit more involved. Something to get my juices going.
Which is why my mid-life crisis will almost certainly involve the purchase of an M2 Competition.
As for all you 30 to 40-year-old DINKYs (dual income no kids yet), here is what else you need to know about the 2GC. Squint a little and you are looking at a mini-me of the 8GC.
In reality it is a front-wheel drive 1 Series with a longer tail, pillarless doors and a bigger boot. Prices start at £25,855 for the 118i Sport but that is just a headline figure. You’ll want the M Sport trim at £28,355.
It has the same performance (1.5-litre turbo petrol, 140hp) but boasts a nicer PE kit, plus sharper M Sport steering and suspension.
The cabin has been sprinkled with extra goodies including Dakota leather, a wider 10.25in touchscreen and the latest IOS system.q
Then there is the 2-litre diesel-badged 220d and the range-topping 306hp six-cylinder M235i xDRIVE which, as the name suggests, is four-wheel drive and fully armed with a Torsen limited-slip differential, additional bracing and launch control.
Yep, launch control. Those poor DINKYs might spill their chai lattes on their chinos. I have to say the 220d suits the 2GC best. It is rock solid and gives you the best of everything.
And by that I mean punchy performance with buckets of low-down torque and decent real-world economy.
I got 42mpg compared to just 21mpg in the M235i. Plus it is properly clean, with all sorts of filters to eradicate NOx.
Are you listening, Mr Khan? To sum up, then: The 2GC is a great car that will cover long distances with minimal fuss. It’s just not very memorable.
So fair play, BMW. You hit the nail on the head. This car is not for me.
KEY FACTS: BMW 2 SERIES GRAN COUPE M SPORT
- Price: £33,895
- Engine: 2-litre turbo diesel
- Power: 190hp
- 0-62mph: 7.5 secs
- Top speed: 146mph
- Economy: 53mpg
- CO2: 131g/km
- Rivals: Mercedes CLA
- Out: March
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